Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
