Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
