The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
