I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
