But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
