can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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