I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
