I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
