Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
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Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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