oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
