I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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