ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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