If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
