hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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