glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Your cock deserves a montage
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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