we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
