WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
