After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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