next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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