just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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