That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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