Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
