Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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