you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
