I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She even gives head with a lisp.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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