Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
