i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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