saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
