So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
