Non-Jews are for practice
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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