bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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