dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
