There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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