i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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