I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
