That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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