is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
