All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
