I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
