fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
