Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize