I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
