Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
