I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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