I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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