this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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