Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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