there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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