The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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