do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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