I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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