if i can run in heels then i can drive
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.