who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
