I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.