he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.