like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
