Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my shit smells like andre
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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