Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize