shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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