You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
