i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
