Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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