Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
