I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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