I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize