My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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