You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
