i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
