We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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