Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
