did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
even my farts smell like vagina
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
