I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
