I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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