With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
