I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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