I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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