i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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