Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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