I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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