It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
