He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Found the puke drawer
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
