toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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